Monday 1 June 2015 by Tom Whalley

US spies at a bit of a loose end today


bored spy NSA

Last night the US Senate failed to pass new laws meaning that the NSA are no longer allowed to collect and analyse the phone records of American citizens.

The failure to pass new legislation means that a lot most US surveillance professionals have absolutely nothing to do today.

Spy, Simon Williams told us, “When we got to work today there was an all staff email that said ‘please don’t do any spying today.”

“A few of us tidied our desks and replied to some outstanding emails but that only took a few minutes.

“Our boss hasn’t even bothered coming in so most of the office just went down the pub.

Williams however has other plans.

“I’m going to the café around the corner. There’s a girl there that I like. She’s not supposed to be working today but she’s coming in to cover for someone who’s off sick.

“I definitely don’t know that because of spying.”

The ban is going to be reflected in the latest season of the hit TV Show Homeland.

In episode one, Carrie Mathison will spend the entire episode in her pyjamas, watching the horse racing, and eating crisps.

Star of the show, Clare Danes, revealed, “There’s a dramatic moment when Mathison thinks she’s missed Homes Under The Hammer, but then she remembers she Sky-plussed it.”

Americans who are concerned that the lack of spying might be a security risk, have been reassured by NSA officials.

“Obviously this lack of legal permission is a setback, but rest assured that we’re still spying on absolutely everyone all the time,” said a spokesperson.

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