Monday 1 June 2015 by Rich Smith

John Terry demands move to Leicester City


John Terry

John Terry is to sign for Leicester City after watching the club’s official racist sex tape on YouTube.

As the twenty-minute clip went viral, football fans everywhere learned exactly what it is that enables Leicester players to stay up.

The Chelsea stalwart hopes that by joining the Foxes on a free transfer, he can once again indulge his twin passions of shagging and occasional racism.

Lesser known Chelsea squad member Simon Williams said, “One of the men in the video can be heard using a racist insult against a woman”.

“John has watched that bit five times.”

“This is the definitive proof that you can eat Walkers Crisps and be a racist.”

Terry is said to be looking for a new challenge, and passing on his special set of skills to Leicester youngsters looking to find their way in the game is said to be too good to go down.

A source close to Terry said, “John has spent 20 years perfecting the racial insult and sexual misdemeanor.”

“So it would be a massive shame if that talent was left to go to waste on Chelsea’s bench next season.”

Leicester City tape

Asked to comment on the tape, Leicester manager Nigel Pearson said, “Tom Hopper, James Pearson and Adam Smith would like to convey their sincere apologies for their behaviour – to the women involved in the incident, to the club and to the guy holding the camera.”

Meanwhile Tom Hopper insists he should be given a second chance.

“It was one night in Bangkok,” he told us.

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