Friday 29 May 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Treat entrepreneurs as the Gods they are, says Andy Burnham


Andy Burnham pro business

Labour leadership frontrunner Andy Burnham has made deference to your betters the cornerstone of his pitch to run the party.

“The mistake Labour made in the last election,” said Burnham earlier, “Is forgetting that society’s wealth creators are superior beings to the rest of us, and should be treated as such.”

“Frankly, if I were made Labour leader I would go round all of our best businessmen and snog them. Right on the mouth. Because that’s how brilliant I think they are.”

“It is hugely important for Labour to abandon all that namby-pamby equality, diversity, and social justice stuff, and get back to the good old Tony Blair days of sucking right up to businessmen.”

“Who are brilliant.”

Andy Burnham ‘pro business’

The centrist pitch has already found favour with idiots.

“I think this is brilliant,” said lapsed Labour voter and idiot Simon Williams.

“For the last five years, Labour has been all about looking after those who can’t look after themselves, but I’m not interested in them. I don’t see why they can’t just look after themselves.”

“I think Labour should be doing loads more to help out businessmen and entrepreneurs and that, because that’s what it said in the paper.”

“And I don’t see what interest the papers would have in promoting business unless it was the best thing to do for everyone.”

Burnham is expected to continue his thrall to the past by inviting the Gallagher brothers to Millbank, having some sort of stupid guru and invading Iraq.

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