Wednesday 27 May 2015 by DavyWavy

Labour to select new leader using the Charlie Charlie Challenge


Labour leadership

The Labour Party is to select its new leader using the Charlie Charlie challenge, we can report today.

The challenge, which involves asking a nonexistent ghost to answer questions, is currently hugely popular in the Internet.

Senior figures in the party are hopeful that the shade of a spurious Mexican spirit will produce a better leader than asking Ken McCluskey, which is the leading alternative.

“Right now the Labour Party is like The Human Centipede with McCluskey as its head,” said an unnamed source.

“It’s debatable whether being party leader under those circumstance is actually attractive, or even at all preferable to being further down the chain”.

“When you look at it like that, using a wobbly pencil and blowing on it so it comes up as Liz Kendall seems a pretty good idea.”

“Especially if we can blame the unquiet dead instead of taking an honest look at ourselves when she loses in 2020,” he added.

However, some senior members of the party are concerned, cautioning that messing with dark forces may result in conjuring up the restless soul of Tony Blair.

Legends say that Blair is condemned to wander the Earth, ever in search of gold, never to return to his home, and that Ed Miliband called him up by saying his name in front of a television camera three times during the election campaign.

“We can’t risk that,” said our source.

“Jesus, no. We might actually win something, and then where would we be?”

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