Tuesday 26 May 2015 by Paul Nickerson

‘Shabby Chic’ just laziness, admit upcyclers


Shabby Chic

Thousands of bits of furniture advertised as ‘Shabby Chic’ are just unfinished paint jobs it can be revealed today.

People who start-off painting really carefully often get bored, and Shabby Chic means they can stop halfway and go and watch telly.

We talked to upcycler Simon Williams at a car boot sale in Notting Hill who told us, “I like painting things shabby chic, because even if I go wrong it doesn’t matter. The shittier the better, really.

“Last week I got a dressing table off gumtree, but realised I’d run out of paint. I went berserk and stabbed it with a Stanley knife – it looked a-mazing.

“Now I’ve rubbed it down in Japanese Rice Wax and its on eBay for three grand.”

Shabby Chic was started in Britain by people who like things to look faded and involves otherwise decent tables and chairs becoming chipped and damaged.

Lindon Richards from the British Association of Upcyclers said, “People love Shabby Chic because it makes their house look like they live in France, even if it’s just a shit sideboard painted grey or something with pink bunting on.”

Another furniture restorer told us, “I haven’t painted anything in months, it’s pointless. My customers hate paint because it can cause things to look too ‘nice’.”

However, the popularity of the craze means places selling genuine crap are losing out to morons who like to put Tuscan wall tiles on table tops.

Local charity shop manager John Desmond said, “We get lots of idiots coming in wanting something for nothing, thinking they’re Kirsty bloody Allsopp.

“Last week some houmous-faced twat tried to barter me down on a wardrobe he says he’ll turn into a loft conversion.”

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