Thursday 21 May 2015 by Tom Whalley

We’re only treating tenants with the contempt they deserve, insist Landlords


Rogue Landlords

The excessive cold, exposed electric cables, and lack of a door on your flat, are exactly what you deserve, according to Landlords this morning.

This news comes in response to a new study which has revealed that ‘rogue landlords’ – another name for ‘landlords’ – are earning £5.6bn from unsafe homes that put tenants in danger.

After news of the figures broke, all landlords removed the batteries from your smoke alarms and rented the upstairs to three absolute classics that enjoy bulking up, EDM and keeping very odd hours.

Landlord and vessel of pure evil, Kevin Horlock said,  “See what you made me do? Why couldn’t you just keep your filthy mouth shut?”

“If you speak out again I’m stopping the water.”

Rogue Landlords

Landlords insisted that tenants allow them to get away with this because they all know, deep in their heart, that this is how they need to be treated.

Renter, Ian Woan said, “I complained to the council about the sink being in the back garden which felt a little unsanitary.”

“When my landlord found out he came round and had a man add an exposed plug socket just above the shower.”

“I realize now that he just wants what’s best for me, and I would like me saying that in the public record.”

The National Landlords Association refused to comment when we approached them but one former landlord, who refused to be named, did speak out.

“I wanted to stop but Foxton’s said they would kill my family,” he told us.

“Also no pets.”

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