Wednesday 20 May 2015

Jesus disappointed Bible verse on gay cakes somehow lost over the years


Gay cakes

Jesus is said to be disappointed today, after learning that a bible verse specifically outlining his views on homosexual cakes was apparently lost during the Middle Ages.

After a Northern Irish Christian business was found guilty of discrimination after refusing to make a cake that promoted same-sex marriage, Jesus asked why they didn’t just read what he said in the Bible.

Jesus told reporters, “I made it pretty clear what I thought of gay cakes back in the day, and I know someone wrote it down. I saw them do it.

“I’m a bit shocked now to find out it’s not there any more.

“No, I haven’t been checking new versions of the Bible. Like all authors, once your book is published you don’t go back and read it again over time, I mean why would you?

“So I just assumed that the stuff I said about homosexual baked goods was still in there – in between the bit about gay marriage and women being charge of their own bodies.

“No, I can’t remember what I said exactly, but the gist of it is that they’re utterly fabulous.

“In fact, for those seeking further clarification, I criticised gay cakes about as much as I directly criticised gay people.

“Is that clear enough for you?”

Gay cakes

Upon hearing Jesus’ views, Christian bakers have asked Jesus to provide some proof of identification.

Baker Simon Williams said, “Look, you can’t just ask someone to stop finding something a bit ‘yucky’ just because a two-thousand-year-old deity told them to, not without asking for some proof of ID.

“Maybe it’s just easier if we carry on being homophobic and ignore this new Jesus fella?”

If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get gay married

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