Tuesday 19 May 2015 by Matt Taylor

UK to be powered by ‘Thatcher spinning in grave’ as Charles meets Gerry Adams


Thatcher Spinning in grave

The UK’s energy crisis could be over after scientists harnessed the power of a rapidly spinning Margaret Thatcher following confirmation Prince Charles will meet Gerry Adams.

Energy firms announced plans to connect the late Margaret Thatcher’s corpse to a nearby power plant with the aim of generating around 100 Megawatts of power as she rotates at high velocity upon announcement of the royal / Sinn Féin meeting.

High-ranking Tory officials say that Thatcher’s hatred of Adams ran so deep that they have no doubt it has followed her to the afterlife.

They believe that messenger demons resembling tiny winged Norman Tebbits will carry the news of any meeting between Charles and Adams to Thatcher in the underworld, where she is currently believed to be reorganising their milk-distribution systems and campaigning for Hades to withdraw from the IU (Infernal Union).

Simon Williams, Professor of Politics and Energy Supply at Somerset University said, “We estimate that Thatcher could release enough energy to power the entire United Kingdom for decades.”

“Maybe even a century if Adams is accompanied by a mobility-challenged Lithuanian lesbian.”

Rumours that Adams’s voice is to be performed by Rory Bremner at any royal meeting have been strongly denied by the Northern Ireland Assembly, who insisted that, “Alistair McGowan is cheaper.”

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