Monday 18 May 2015

Osborne plans July budget after miraculously remembering where £12bn cuts coming from


George Osborne

George Osborne has called a July budget after suddenly remembering where his £12bn in proposed welfare cuts is coming from.

Osborne was unable to remember precisely what he was going to cut in the run up to the election, despite being asked the question several times, across several days and on several television programmes.

However, just one week into his new term as Chancellor, Osborne has miraculously recalled the precise details of the cuts he wants to make.

He told reporters, “Yes, I know, how awfully forgetful of me. I simply could not recall what cuts I was going to make, just that they added up to £12bn in total.”

“It didn’t matter that people kept asking me for the details, as I simply couldn’t recall them – just that it was all costed and planned.”

“Which is what I explained whenever I was asked for the details.”

“How lucky that I suddenly remembered all the details again just as soon as we got a majority government. It was the Friday morning after the election action, it all came back to me in a flash!”

“Just think, if I hadn’t remembered where these cuts were coming from, I might never have been able to make them.”

“Then where would we be?”

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