Saturday 16 May 2015 by Floyd Kermode

Heroic crocodile tackles 6 foot, two inch tall royal parasite


Prince Harry and the crocodile

A plucky 3.1 metre long Australian crocodile tackled a dangerous 6 foot two-inch royal ginger parasite, according to sources today.

The crocodile is said to have taken time out of its busy schedule of basking in shallow salt water and eating drunken German tourists to taken on the parasite.

“It was nothing really,” said the wrinkly skinned sauropod.

“Any public-spirited prehistoric reptile would have done the same.”

“I just heard the braying sense of entitlement and saw the flash of ginger hair above the water and went for it.”

Royals caught in the wilds of Australia are usually humanely killed, although some older specimens are kept in special nature preserves called ‘castles’ and displayed to members of the public.

If released in the wild, they can be dangerous to taxpayers and underwear models, many of whom can suffer from a life of ceremonial pregnancies as a result of even fleeting contact.

Actual deaths from royal contact are rare, although senior ministers can be left with short-sightedness after trying to read nagging letters.

The crocodile has resumed its tour of Australia and New Zealand where it has amazed crowds by trying to swallow the idea of Prince Philip being knighted.

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