Friday 15 May 2015 by Gary Stanton

Human Rights Act supporters to be rounded up and gassed


Cameron Human Rights Act

Prime Minister David Cameron has warned supporters of the Human Rights Act that he is not for f*cking around.

Bolstered by his majority of six MPs, the PM is preparing to blood stringent new measures for pussy-arsed liberals clinging to the fading rose of liberty.

The Tory hierarchy found common ground late on Wednesday after channelling the spirit of Adolf Eichmann during a two-hour ouija board session.

The proposals include undermining the European rule of law, a curfew on Kenneth Clarke, and camps with big wrought-iron gates.

But there is growing rebellion among backbenchers over the PM’s flagship policy of new narrow-gauge railway lines, which would converge in the Outer Hebrides.

Shami Chakrabati of soon-to-be-outlawed “pinko” group Freedom said, “Last night the PM subjected Michael Gove to three hours of waterboarding for disagreeing with him about the fate of Johnny Depp’s dogs.”

“Mr Gove took the view that it is a fundamental human right to own a dog no matter how repulsive, but the Prime Minister is no fan of Pirates of the Caribbean and has always opposed the sequels.”

In an ominous development, Eurosceptic MP David Davies, a vociferous supporter of Human Rights, is now said to be ‘taking a holiday in Scotland’.

Human Rights fan Simon Williams said, “First they came for the communists, but I did not speak out because I am not a communist.”

“Then they came for Johnny Depp’s dogs, but I did not speak out because I am not a dog.”

“Oh, I’ve forgotten how this is supposed to end. Sorry.”

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