Thursday 14 May 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Johnny Depp now completely shit


Johnny Depp

Hollywood hunk Johnny Depp is now officially completely shit, according to recent reports.

After several years of being really quite shit, the recent flop Mortdecai has seen Depp become completely shit.

“It’s quite something,” said film expert, Mark Kermode.

“It really wasn’t so long ago that Johnny Depp wasn’t considered at all shit, but he seems to have gone from being not shit to quite shit to completely shit with Steve Martin-esque rapidity.”

“He’ll have to do everything possible not to become completely and utterly shit over the next 12 months.”

“3D films are balls,” added Kermode.

It seems to be around the time of Pirates of the Caribbean, a film based on a particularly shit Disney ride, that Depp started to get a bit shit.

Many have blamed his decision on playing the pirate as a member the Levellers for the start of his descent.

His succession of roles as boggle-eyed man-children in films for boggle-eyed man-child Tim Burton saw Depp become really quite shit actually.

Finally, his part in Mortdecai, soon to be released on DVD, has seen him complete his descent to become completely shit.

It is understood that Depp will try to remedy the situation by playing a boggle-eyed man-child in a Tim Burton film or a shit pirate.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: