Thursday 14 May 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Humiliate Mediterranean migrants as a deterrent to others, says Theresa May


Theresa May

Economic migrants rescued from the Mediterranean should be humiliated and mocked to discourage others from making the perilous journey, said Theresa May.

“Obviously, it is not in my nature to be kind to anyone,” said the Home Secretary

“So I can’t think of a better way of preventing migrants from sailing across the Mediterranean than humiliating them.”

“There are obviously many ways we can do this; point at them and laugh, hold your nose and pretend they smell, pull their trousers and pants down and make them walk through town.”

She also revealed that her plan is inspired by her previous work.

“Oh yes, you don’t spend five years as a Tory Minister dealing with the unemployed without learning the most effective way to humiliate people.”

The plans found favour amongst Tory supporters.

“Yeah, well, if anything, I don’t think they go far enough,” said Tory supporter and professional bigot Simon Williams

“I mean, you can’t molly-coddle these people just because they come from horrific war-torn countries and will risk everything to give themselves a better life.”

“So, I say, we should kick them all up the pants and make them do the Birdie Song dance as we load them back on to their stupid rafts and point them back at Syria.”

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