Wednesday 13 May 2015 by DavyWavy

ISIS claims responsibility for severe delays and tailbacks on the A14


ISIS traffic  delays

Islamic terror group ISIS has issued a statement claiming responsibility for severe delays just outside Kettering this morning.

The group, which regularly claims responsibility for stuff, declared a contraflow system and traffic control were the just retribution of Allah against the infidel nation of Britain.

ISIS went on to accept responsibility for people being up to twenty minutes late getting to Centre Parcs.

In a statement posted to the Internet, a masked man standing in front of the black flag of the Da’esh threatened further disruption including the late running of the 9:36 to Doncaster if Britain did not immediately declare a Caliphate.

“These threats are terrifyingly real,” said a source in the security services.

“ISIS claims to have the capability to really ruin your Saturday morning, or make it difficult for you to get a parking space at Morrisons.”

“We’re taking this extremely seriously, especially a threat to install a new mini-roundabout in Cardiff during rush hour.”

However, some commentators are sceptical, suggesting that the disruption is being caused by local council planning departments and ISIS are ‘just trying it on’.

The statement appeared to rebut this suggestion.

The terrorists concluding, “In the name of Allah the just and merciful, if Britain does not meet our demands immediately we shall commence roadworks on the M6 at half past three on a Friday afternoon.”

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