Tuesday 12 May 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Nigel Farage takes job back to prevent immigrant from stealing it


Nigel Farage takes job back

Nigel Farage has retaken his position as leader of UKIP after learning that a Romanian worker was willing to do the job for half the price while being twice as bonkers.

Farage was thought to be well on his way to a holiday in one of the countries with which he’d like to sever all ties when he received a phone call from UKIP headquarters.

“He was literally boarding a plane,” said a UKIP spokesperson, “We had run out of ways to convince him to come back- we’d even offered him a brewery at HQ.

“Then we told him that a chap named Razvan was up for the job and the phone immediately went dead.

“He was back in the office 15 minutes later, which is remarkable given all of the immigrants clogging up the M4.”

Razvan Koslov has been resident in the UK for the past three years and has worked as a fruit picker, a warehouse worker, and managed Manchester United in the brief period following David Moyes’ sacking.

“I always dream of leading political party,” said Koslov, “ever since the end of communism back home when we were allowed to have politics of our own.

“I like UKIP policies. It is important that only immigrants that work come here, and not people who are prepared to sit on their behinds all day talking nonsense. That’s politicians’ job.

“I am disappointed to lose job but not upset Nigel is back, I am happy. There aren’t many white, British men in politics these days.”

It is thought that Farage’s first job will be to explain exactly how relieved he is to be back, three days after expressing his relief to have left.

“Luckily, our supporters have a memory span equal to whatever Nigel tells them to have,” said the spokesperson.

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