Tuesday 12 May 2015 by DavyWavy

New Indiana Jones film to feature search for the missing Labour Pledge Stone


Labour Election Stone

Steven Spielberg has announced that a new Indiana Jones film will centre on a search for the Pledge Stone unveiled by Ed Miliband last week.

The rock has completely vanished since the election, and Hollywood insiders suggest it might have come to rest in a US military warehouse in the same crate as a pink bus.

The film will begin with Indy turning up references to a legendary figure known as ‘John Smith’, and embarking on a globe-trotting series of adventures to track down his legacy.

“The Indiana Jones films have always taken legendary, missing items and turned them into adventure”, said a Hollywood insider.

“The Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, flying saucers and the Labour party’s credibility. They’re of a muchness, really.”

“We were going to have a scene where Indy and Short Round find Ed Miliband’s charisma, but realised that would be too far-fetched.”

The film will feature a roster of exotic locations including Hampstead and Islington before leading to a climactic sequence in Len McCluskey’s cellar.

The most terrifying scene will feature Indy being stuck in a lift with John Prescott for twenty minutes after the ‘maximum load eight persons’ light comes on.

The closing reel of the film is rumoured to feature Tony Blair’s face melting and falling off, but scriptwriters refused to be drawn on whether that’s due to the wrath of God or too much plastic surgery.

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