Monday 11 May 2015 by DavyWavy

Soho to be preserved as a porn heritage site


Soho Heritage site

London’s Soho is to be saved from developers as a heritage site for traditional pornography, we can report today.

The decision marks the end of a long and hard battle by peddlers of one-handed magazines to preserve their way of life in the face of increasingly mechanised competition.

Soho’s pornographers claim their industry, which relies on gullible teenagers from Basildon, is in danger of vanishing entirely in the face of slick, mass-produced pornography from abroad.

Britain was a world-leader in smut during the seventies until Margaret Thatcher put everyone right off the idea of looking at women with no clothes on, and British industry has struggled to compete with an innovative international market in recent years.

“Proper, old-fashioned porn is a way of life which has almost vanished”, we were told.

“A world of ladies with body hair and men without tattoos and steroid habits”.

“There’s a danger that future generations won’t even know this sort of porn ever existed, which would be tragic.”

The announcement comes with funding for a £21m hands-on heritage experience centre, where visitors can re-live the experience of a miserable unheated photo shoot in a flat decorated like its 1976, and a museum dedicated to mint, vintage editions of Razzle and Shaven Ravers.

The new initiative is also expected to provide a boost to ch-ka wa-wa bass players in the area.

Developers have challenged the decision, claiming that what London really needs instead is more chi-chi boutique coffee shops and artisan hairdressers.

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