Thursday 7 May 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Parish newsletter endorses Nick Clegg and Liberal Democrats


Nick Clegg endorsement

In a late breaking development, Dorset village Cerne Abbas’s Parish newsletter has given its backing to Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats in today’s Election.

This week has seen all the major newspapers throw their weight behind either Labour or the Tories with the exception of the Express which endorsed UKIP because it was fed up with being seen as less hateful than the Daily Mail.

However, the Cerne Abbas Parish newsletter is the first periodical to back the Lib-Dems.

“Oh dear, well, I’m afraid I don’t really follow politics very much,” said Reverend Samuel Emmsworth.

“So I asked Mrs Peabody who’s got a colour television and she said that this Nick Clegg chap’s got lovely hair, so we’re backing him.”

“We’re hoping to get a run of nearly a hundred newsletters before the polls close provided Mrs Peabody can get the photocopier working, which isn’t a certainty; Mrs Peabody was using some very unchristian language about it earlier.”

Lib Dems endorsed

Nick Clegg was thrilled with the endorsement.

“This is terrific news,” he said as members of the public spat at him.

“With the might of the Cerne Abbas parish newsletter backing us, I think the Lib-Dems can look forward to a late surge and a surprisingly successful night.”

According to polls, the Lib-Dems are expected to get between twelve and seventeen votes.

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