Wednesday 6 May 2015

The Sun backs man who eats hot dogs with knife and fork


David Cameron eating a hot dog

The Sun has today endorsed a man who eats a hot dog with a knife and fork ahead of a man who looks awkward eating a bacon sandwich.

The Sun’s front page has called on voters to back the man who they feel looks least awkward when eating normal people food.

The Sun editorial reads, “The biggest decision you have to make for the next five years comes down to this – who looks best eating junk food?”

“We would say that David Cameron’s use of silver cutlery when slicing a hot dog before pushing manageable portions into his face is significantly more impressive that Ed Miliband’s attempts to eat a bacon sandwich.”

“Look at him, just look at his face – can you really trust a man who eats a bacon sandwich like that with the economy?”

“Imagine what he’ll look like eating bacon sandwiches with other world leaders – it’s unthinkable.”

“Our boss Rupert Murdoch told us he probably bums dogs too, but we can’t print that – apart from here because it’s an editorial that you’ll definitely read.”

Voter Simon Williams said that although still technically undecided, how someone eats could be the difference in how he votes.

He told us, “I’ve considered their economic policies, their spending plans and what they’re committing to do on immigration and the NHS – but ultimately I feel the one who can best lead the country is the one who pulls acceptable faces when eating.”

“You know, because I’m a fucking moron.”

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