Saturday 2 May 2015 by Spacey

Other news given weekend off as media celebrates royal birth


Royal Baby arrives

All news stories that don’t involve the birth of a new royal have been given the weekend off by the media.

Isis are expected to spend the day pottering around doing a few odd jobs, while the economy has revealed plans for a lie-in before catching up with the laundry.

“As a public funded organisation, it is our role to ensure that the opinions of all our viewers are represented in an impartial way,” said a BBC spokesperson.

“It’s clear that every man, woman and child in the UK thinks that the Royal Family is so utterly brilliant that all other news is irrelevant, and our coverage is going to reflect that.”

The general election is also weighing up its options after being told by the media that its services won’t be needed for a few days. However, politicians haven’t been so fortunate.

“We’ve got the weekend off from coming under scrutiny, but we’re working tirelessly on our levels of sycophancy,” revealed one MP.

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