Friday 1 May 2015

NSA hugely grateful to Microsoft for how-old.net


How old website

The US National Security Agency has thanked Microsoft for creating a website where people will repeatedly upload mug shots of themselves for them to file away as they please.

With millions of people willing to provide detailed pictures of their faces, voluntarily, so that a computer can ‘decide how old they look’, the NSA has had to check if it’s Christmas already.

Computer owner Simon Williams told us, “I’ve uploaded loads of photos of myself, from different angles, with different haircuts, all of them said I was at least 40.”

“I’m 28.”

“So it’s not a very good service if you ask me, and I see no reason whatsoever why millions of people will continue providing detailed photos of themselves to a faceless computer system.”

“Oh, hang on, this one from my holiday last year makes me look quite young….38, dammit!”

how-old.net

An NSA spokesperson told us, “If you think we had anything to do with a wildly popular online facility documenting just about every face across the world, then you’re mistaken.”

“If we wanted a photo of you we’d just hack in to Facebook and take it.”

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