Friday 1 May 2015 by Gary Stanton

Miliband refusing to rule out deal with Sinn Fein


Ed Miliband Sinn Fein alliance

Sure-footed Labour leader, Ed Miliband, has refused to rule out a deal with Gerry Adams this morning.

Miliband was put on the spot during a heated Question Time debate when a balaclava-clad member of the audience shouted, “What about the Provos?”

A flustered Miliband, who was sporting a ‘Troops Out’ t-shirt, replied that Irish nationalism had undergone momentous changes in recent years and that you no longer needed to check under your car with a mirror on a stick.

When asked about the extent of proposed cuts under Labour, Miliband argued that it is ‘better to die on your feet than live on your knees’ and that he would ‘look closely again ’ at the bedroom tax.

Speaking without notes, the PM-in-waiting went on to praise Pete Postlethwaite’s performance in ‘In the Name of the Father’ and said that ‘somehow we are all the Guildford Four’.

And when asked about the Royal birth, the Labour leader bellowed, “Long live the IRA, fuck the Queen and the UDA”

The olive branch to hard-line republicans comes after polls showed Miliband had spunked his two-point lead up the wall after failing to negotiate the barrier between stage and floor.

Experts claim that Sinn Fein’s two MPs may give Miliband enough MPs to form a majority government with a united Ireland being the only drawback.

Meanwhile, a clearly drunk David Cameron dropped eight percentage points when he took to the stage and enquired of the audience: “Have you all forgotten about Rudolf Hess?”

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