Friday 1 May 2015

David Cameron pledges 5 years of successful podium dismounts


David Cameron pledges successful dismounts

David Cameron has told the nation that under a Conservative government the Prime Minister will always be able to step off a podium without stumbling.

Speaking after last night’s live Leader’s Question Time, Cameron said it was increasingly important that the people of this country trusted their leader not to almost fall over on live television.

He told reporters, “The people of this country face an incredibly important choice at this election, a choice between a Labour leader who struggles dismounting a 8-inch high raised platform, and a Conservative one who is as sure-footed as a mountain goat.”

“I can’t tell you that we won’t be changing child benefit, I can’t tell you where the extra money we’ve pledged to the NHS is coming from, and I can’t promise to do anything about non-doms – but what I can promise the electorate is a sure-footed prime minister who knows how to use steps.”

“I use them all the time, and my experience of step use will ensure this nation never has a Prime Minister that is the subject of a ‘Mugabe falling meme’.”

Miliband stumble

A Labour spokesperson said it was typical of the Conservatives to go negative with their campaign, whilst insisting that Cameron’s stumbling track record isn’t as good as he claims.

The spokesperson told us, “It is typical of Cameron to try and look like a sure-footed man of the people whilst dismissing his privileged past which is fully of stumbles.”

“We have it in good authority that in his pre-school days stumbling and falling over was an almost daily occurrence, but you won’t hear us bringing it up, obviously.”

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