Thursday 30 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Politicians now only distinguishable by tie colour


Politicians ties

With news that Labour has committed to renewing Trident, it has now become virtually impossible for ordinary voters to tell which party a politician represents purely from their policies.

With all parties promising a program of austerity, committing to Trident, and being as nasty to foreigners as possible, it is increasingly difficult for people to remember if Vince Cable is a nice Tory, Harriet Harman is a strident Lib-Dem, or what the hell Nick Clegg is for.

“I sympathise entirely,” said an anonymous Labour candidate.

“I was at a hustings yesterday, extolling the virtue of getting people off benefits and I was this close to telling people to vote for David Cameron for another five years.”

With a week to go it seems that confusion exists amongst the electorate

“I was there listening to some appalling Tory spouting off,” said Stephen Emmsworth of Dorset.

“I had a handful of dog poo and was ready to let fly before I noticed the colour of the tie was red, and it was actually Ed Balls of Labour.”

“I mean, I plan to vote for them, but I let fly anyway – it was Ed Balls, for heaven sake.”

For the remaining week of the election, candidates have agreed to wear ideologically consistent neck wear, blue for Tories, yellow for Lib-dems, and UKIP’s ties will, of course, be any colour but black.

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