Wednesday 29 April 2015 by DavyWavy

UKIP candidate who called Gurkhas ‘parasites’ mysteriously vanishes


UKIP candidate called Gurkhas parasites

A UKIP parliamentary candidate who referred to members of the Gurkha Regiment as ‘parasites’ has mysteriously disappeared.

The candidate for Aldershot tweeted that Gurkhas were ‘parasites’ on Twitter shortly before disappearing without a trace.

Gurkha supporter Joanna Lumley denied being involved in the disappearance.

“I have a rock-solid alibi that I was being fabulous somewhere else at the time, darling”, she told us.

“And if you find a kukri, it’s not mine,” she added.

Further questions revealed that every serving member of the British army also had a solid alibi for the time of the incident.

Police are reported to be ‘not overly fussed’ about finding the candidate.

“We’re sure he’ll turn up sooner or later,” said a spokesman over a cup of tea and a fag.

The Gurkha Rifles were founded in 1815 and have proven to be a stalwart arm of the British Army ever since, serving in both World Wars and innumerable other conflicts around the globe.

When asked about the parasite quote, a UKIP spokesman said, “For Christ’s sake, no amount of money is worth this.”

NewsThump being serious for a moment: Nepal, the Gurkha homeland, has been devastated by an earthquake. If you want to show your support for some of the best friends Britain has ever had, this is the link to the Gurkha Welfare Trust.

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