Tuesday 28 April 2015

Stephen Hawking tells One Direction fans of alternate universe in which all band members are dead


Stephen Hawking

Theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has told One Direction fans around the world that there is a parallel universe in which every member of the boy band is dead.

Hawking appeared in holographic form at the Sydney Opera House beamed from his Cambridge University base, to explain how the multiverse means at least one version of One Direction was killed by an enraged Justin Bieber fan.

He told the audience, “The very concept of the multiverse means that whatever can happen, does happen, and so one day we will prove there is a universe out there in which every member of One Direction was hacked to death by an angry Belieber.”

“You can rest assured they all died in pain and terror and that it put an immediate end to any musical releases whatsoever from the band.”

“In fact, in that universe, it’s become a day of celebration, not one of mourning – made even better because Simon Cowell gave all his money away and went off to become a monk.”

“The you of that universe doesn’t even like One Direction anyway, and is far more interested in books and learning than long-haired boys with tattoos.”

One Direction multiverse

Fans have reacted angrily to Hawking’s revelation.

One Direction fan Lucy Williams told us, “God I hate Stephen Hawking, and all that science stuff.”

“I’ve never been interested in science ever since Mark Wallace set fire to my One Direction pencil-case with a bunsen burner in year 9.”

“So frankly Stephen Hawking can stick his multiverse up his arse.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: