Tuesday 28 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Conservatives reveal new election tactic of shouting ‘ECONOMY’ at everyone for next nine days


Economy

With nine days left of the election, the Tories have unveiled a radical new campaign plan that involves shouting ‘ECONOMY’ at people at every given opportunity.

“ECONOMY,” shouted David Cameron yesterday at a Conservative rally in Chelmsford, before immediately boarding his Tory battle-bus and heading off to Southend where he shouted ‘ECONOMY’ at some other people.

The election campaign has seen both Labour and the Tories at a stalemate since it began.

With only nine days to go, Tory head office is understood to be rattled.

“ECONOMY,” shouted George Osborne when we put this to him.

This Thursday will see Question Time host all the party leaders and is now expected to be dominated by David Cameron shouting ‘ECONOMY,’ and potentially putting his fingers in his ears and going ‘la la la la,’ when anyone tries to argue.

The new strategy seems to be appealing to the Tories’ core vote.

“Obviously, as a Tory voter, I’m not particularly interested in the intricacies of things like pledge funding,” said sock-darner Simon Williams.

“And the complexities of the UK’s current economic plight are lost on me. So, frankly I just want to hear posh men shout ‘ECONOMY’ a lot, and then I’ll vote for them.”

If the new plan proves effective then it is expected the other major parties will establish similar strategies of shouting one-word summations of what they stand for.

Labour are expected to shout ‘NHS,’ the SNP will shout ‘KILTS,’ and the Liberal Democrats – ‘NICE HAIR.’

However UKIP are said to be furious at the ‘blatant plagiarism’ of their own tactics after they spent the last four years shouting ‘IMMIGRANTS!’ at anyone who would listen.

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