Thursday 23 April 2015

Jack Grealish breaks world record for time between media build-up and media take-down


Jack Grealish Aston Villa

Aston Villa teenager Jack Grealish has today broken the world record for the shortest time between being hailed as the next best thing by the tabloids, and being derided by them as a disgrace.

Just three days after being lauded as ‘the next wonderkid’ after his starring role in Aston Villa’s FA Cup semi-final win against Liverpool, Grealish is today being condemned as a terrible example to youngsters after being photographed inhaling from a balloon.

Media expert Simon Williams told us, “When any young sportsman thrusts himself into the limelight, the race is on to find something to knock him down a peg or two, and frankly The Sun has done a tremendous job here.”

“What could normally take months of bin-dipping and secretly paying off friends, has actually taken them just three days.”

“You can only stand back and admire their tenacity in chasing down dirt on potential heroes and then criticising them for doing something that isn’t illegal.”

Jack Grealish on ‘hippy crack’

A Sun spokesperson spoke of the paper’s pride in taking the new world record.

They told us, “The dream of course is publish a back page with the headline ‘What a hero’ only to follow it up the next day with ‘What a scumbag’ – but for now we’ll take the hippy crack exclusives.”

“Of course, we’ll happily criticise this photo that might have taken place years ago and shows him doing nothing illegal, but leave well alone the images of Villa players boozing in the changing room after the semi-final.”

“Why? Well, nitrous-oxide suppliers don’t advertise in our paper, do they.”

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