Tuesday 21 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Katie Hopkins now officially more awful than diarrhoea


Katie Hopkins worse than diarrhoea

Diarrhoea is now officially a more pleasant thing than Katie Hopkins, a new study has revealed.

This is the first time that any human being has been considered more awful than diarrhoea since the Tory Government in the eighties.

“It’s extraordinary to see,” said awfulness expert Simon Williams.

“For a long time Ms Hopkins was considered more awful than wasps, tooth plaque, and Hull.”

“We’d assumed that this was the benchmark for how awful a modern human being could get, but it seems her recent comments about turning gunboats on migrants has seen her reach new lows.”

“Given the choice, most people would now rather spend the weekend with a virulent case of diarrhoea than spend a weekend with Katie Hopkins.”

Katie Hopkins just awful

Ms Hopkins achievements have been met with awe by her peers.

“I’m irredeemably awful,” said Richard Littlejohn yesterday.

“All my life, I’ve pushed to become more awful than diarrhoea with hateful bigoted nonsense about gay people wanting to touch my little john, but I’ve never made it.”

“For Katie to do so with such ease is incredibly impressive.”

People are now openly speculating that Ms Hopkins could become the most awful thing on the planet.

“There is a cockroach that feeds entirely off excrement,” said Mr Williams.

“It is generally considered that the excrement of that cockroach is the most of awful thing in existence.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Ms Hopkins becomes more awful than that by Christmas.”

Katie Hopkins’ latest opinion piece – ‘They’re all just ghastly and I hope they die soon,’ is available now.

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