Friday 17 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Courageous Top Gear fans protect vulnerable show from woman


sue perkins

A brave group of anonymous men hounded a woman off Twitter after it was rumoured that she is being considered as the new host of vulnerable TV show, Top Gear.

Sue Perkins has temporarily removed herself from Twitter after she received a wide range of death threats from fans of the show, outraged that a person with a vagina could drive some cars in an entertaining fashion.

“It’s brilliant news,” said Top Gear fan and male genital owner Simon Williams.

“I’ve got nothing against women, you know, I watch a lot of porn.”

“But the idea that one of them could possibly present Top Gear made me smash up my bedroom in anger and frustration.”

“My Mum was really cross with me,” he added.

Previous Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was sacked for having a tantrum after not getting his tea, leading to speculation as to who will replace him.

Bruce Forsyth, William Hague and Noddy are all said to be in contention.

“Yeah, they’d all be good,” said Williams.

“As long as there’s no girls, because girls are stupid.”

“But, really, it’s important that the fans have their say, and that they are able to issue vicious death threats to anyone they don’t like from the safety of their own bedrooms without getting told off by their Mums.”

Meanwhile, right-thinking people across the country are now desperately hoping that the job goes to Miriam Margolyes, Sarah Ferguson, or, indeed, Sue Perkins.

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