Thursday 16 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

UKIP anger as manifesto accidentally printed with ‘nice’ policy


UKIP manuifesto

UKIP were forced to apologise for a misprint in their manifesto that appeared to suggest they were against a policy that is unnecessarily punitive to everyone it affects.

The misprint – “UKIP will oppose the bedroom tax,” should have read – “UKIP bloody loves the bedroom tax, you ruddy peasants need to shut up moaning and recognise your betters.”

“I personally would like to apologise for the bungle,” said a red-faced Nigel Farage.

“We were obviously very drunk when we put this together, and occasionally, when you’re very drunk, you make mistakes.”

“As my wife can testify.”

The fake pledge had caused consternation amongst UKIP supporters.

“Yeah, I didn’t know what to think,” said UKIP supporter and sludge turner Simon Williams.

“I mean, I hate immigrants, and paedophiles and that, that’s a given but I thought I was meant to hate people with spare bedrooms too?”

“I mean if UKIP don’t hate people with spare bedrooms, then I’ll just have to go back to the Tories who seem to be the only party prepared to stand up to these spare bedroom bastards.”

But Nigel Farage was quick to allay their fears.

“No, it’s important to recognise that we are the same old UKIP, and we hate all sorts of people.”

“Black people, brown people, that sort of funny inbetweeny coloured people, white people, people with spare bedrooms, people without spare bedrooms, people from abroad, people from the north, people from the next street over, and, obviously, above all, we hate all poor people.”

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