Wednesday 15 April 2015

UKIP to unveil back of their election manifesto fag packet


UKIP election manifesto

UKIP are set to reveal the back of the fag packet on which their 2015 election manifesto was written, according to reports this morning.

The highly anticipated publication is will include manifesto pledges such as ‘Immigrants Bad’ and ‘Europe Bad’ along with ‘British Good’.

A UKIP spokesperson explained that the tone of the publication, and its key themes would resonate with true British voters.

They told us, “The other parties would have you believe that a manifesto should be dozens of pages long, with detailed breakdowns of their spending plans and policy intentions – well UKIP says that is rubbish.”

“You can produce a perfectly good quality manifesto in just six words, and we have the vociferous supporters to prove it.”

“It can be read over breakfast by anyone with the reading age of our typical voter, and it leaves no ambiguity in our position on the major issues that we have insisted are the major issues.”

“Plus there’s a big surprise element, in that despite all the slurs and accusations, we’ve actually written our manifesto on the front of the fag packet, so there!”

UKIP manifesto

UKIP Supporter Simon Williams told us, “I suppose I am sort of interested in what they plan to do about the NHS, tax avoidance and international trade.”

“But they seem to know which bad things I think are bad, and which good things I think are good.”

“They really ‘get’ me, so those six words are enough for me to trust them with my vote, definitely.”

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