Monday 13 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Lazy families feeling let down by all main political parties


Lazy families feeling alienated

A new poll has shown that a focus on ‘hard-working families’ by the main political parties is alienating lazy families across the country.

“Look, I’m an extremely lazy man,” said unemployed chair tester Simon Williams.

“I spent all-day yesterday lying on the sofa sucking the chocolate off chocolate raisins and watching internet pornography. That’s what I do every day, except sometimes it’s chocolate nuts.”

Mr Williams feels that none of the major parties represent him.

“Listening to these parties it all sounds brilliant for hard-working families, but what about me? Does my vote count any less?”

“You never hear anything about how they’re going to make sofa’s comfier, or daytime telly any better.”

“I mean, how hard could that be, to make daytime TV better? Just get some of the actresses to get their chests out and then have a car-chase.”

Lazy families ‘alienated’

The parties’ obsession with hard-working families is increasingly looking like a mistake after recent research shows that there are only seven hard-working families in the country, and everyone else would rather sit about eating cake.

However, it looks like the Tories may be looking to tap into the lazy-vote, with David Cameron being the first to respond to the poll.

“I think my record shows that I am also really quite lazy, and there are members of my cabinet who have never done a day’s work in their life,” he said.

“The Tories are definitely the party for lazy people who don’t really ‘do’ anything.”

“Particularly if they’re really rich.”

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