Monday 13 April 2015

I would have told you how we’ll find £8bn for NHS if you’d asked a 16th time, insists Osborne


George Osborne £8bn for NHS

Chancellor George Osborne has insisted that the only reason he didn’t tell the BBC’s Andrew Marr how the Conservatives plan to find £8bn for the NHS is because he didn’t ask a sixteenth time.

Despite avoiding the question a record 15 times, Osborne said he was just on the verge of explaining where all this new money would come from when Marr gave up asking.

Osborne told reporters, “Look, we have the plan for the money right here in my briefcase, but we’re not going to just hand it out willy-nilly. It has to be coaxed from me.”

“No-one gives it up the first fifteen times someone asks, what sort of slag do you take me for?”

“I was right there on the verge of explaining everything when he gave up. Now we’ll have to start all over again which is why I just can’t tell you the answer right at this minute.”

“But the answer to that question definitely does exist, and we definitely do have it.”

“I know where every penny of that £8bn is coming from, you can rest assured on that. I just don’t want to tell anyone unless they ask really, really nicely, lots and lots of time.”

Osborne’s £8bn for the NHS

Voters have asked why Osborne wasn’t able to explain where the £8bn for the NHS was coming from, but was able to articulate in great detail a tax cut for people dead rich people leaving estates worth £1m.

Voter Simon Williams said, “I mean, it looks from the outside like they have a detailed plan for the inheritance tax cut, but no plan for finding £8bn for the NHS beyond a headline grabbing statement plucked from thin air.”

“That can’t be right though, surely? I mean, no-one would be so deceitful as to say something like that just to win a few votes.”

“Oh.”

George Osborne – Dope

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