Friday 10 April 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Ed Miliband successfully talks to girl


ed miliband talks to girl

Labour have claimed a breakthrough in their campaign after Ed Miliband yesterday talked to a girl without becoming flustered.

“This is a very big deal for Ed,” said a Labour spokesman.

“He has tried on several occasions to speak girls, and it always ends in disaster.”

“One time he blushed so furiously the heat made him faint, another time he got an erection that lasted three days, and there was a particularly memorable time when a girl explained that she was a lesbian and Ed wet himself.”

Mr Miliband’s ability to talk to girls without having some form of biological breakdown is something his team has been working on.

“We told Ed to focus on the girl’s hair. Hare’s are bunny rabbits, and Ed feels comfortable with bunny rabbits, they’re on his level.”

“The first time we tried this association there was nearly a disaster when Ed focussed on the cartoon bunny from the Caramel adverts instead of just generic bunny rabbits and he became rather hot and agitated, but I think we’ve nailed it now.”

After the encounter, Mr Miliband was said to have broken wind loudly and needed a strong cup of tea but was basically fine.

Mr Miliband’s newfound ability to talk to pretty girls is said to have the Tories worried as David Cameron is unable to speak to a girl without coming over like a slimy posh sex-pest.

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