Wednesday 8 April 2015

Have I Got News For You catering team placed on ‘high alert’


Clarkson on Have I Got News For You

The catering team on BBC quiz Have I Got News For You have been placed on ‘high alert’ after increased chatter surrounding Jeremy Clarkson’s appearance later this month.

With the risk of serving cold food higher than ever before, the catering team are said to be undergoing extensive training and new performance drills ahead of his 29th April appearance to ensure all food in the green room remains warm at all times.

Caterer Simon Williams told us, “This is not normally a dangerous job, but frankly we can’t afford to make the terrible mistake of serving Jeremy Clarkson cold food. Real human lives are at risk.”

“He’s quite a big man actually, and you really don’t want to upset him by serving him food that is below optimum temperature.”

“We’ve invested in the latest food warming technology, and our new procedures mean we can now get his food from the kitchen to the green room in under 45 seconds, so we’re confident we can avoid any further atrocities.”

“Obviously we can not guarantee we can prevent all future incidents, but if everyone remains vigilant we believe the episode will go ahead without a hitch.”

Clarkson on HIGNFY

One former HIGNFY guest told us, “I once had a luke warm sausage roll in the green room, so I hope for all our sakes they’ve managed to rid themselves of such sloppiness.”

“If Clarkson goes off, it could cost hundreds of lives.”

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