Tuesday 7 April 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Striking teachers ‘out of touch’, claims party of rich old men who’ve never had a proper job


Teachers strike

The Conservative party has invoked ‘pot-kettle-black’ by suggesting that another large group of people are acting against the interests of Britain.

The National Union of Teachers (NUT) backed a call to strike after it was revealed that further budget cuts would be made to British education, meaning that the modern teacher will be reduced to one hot meal a week as opposed to the traditional two.

The Conservatives were quick to brand the move “irresponsible” and “damaging to the future of Britain”, causing almost everyone within earshot to shove a mirror into the nearest Tory face and “take a good, long look you bloody hypocrite.”

Stacey Anderton, a 29 year-old teacher who’s done more good in the last month than the Government front bench could manage in the entirety of their over-privileged lives, said “it is going to be a little tighter around the house.”

“Most of my clothes generally consist of more holes than material now. Finding a sleeve is a nightmare.”

“Although it makes getting dressed in the morning feel like a round from the Generation Game, which is a pleasant yet temporary distraction from the fact that I live in a phone booth.”

“I was mildly amused by the Conservatives’ suggestion that we’re acting out of self-interest rather than a desire to, y’know, eat.”

“I hope we’re not distracting too much from their plans to abolish inheritance tax.”

“I’m teaching the kids about irony next week. I’m going to have a field day with this one.”

Teachers’ Strike

A spokesperson from the Conservative Party said, “We are fully aware of the issues surrounding education.”

“For example, some schools can still afford to use fluorescent lightbulbs. You can kiss those goodbye.”

“Just because Michael Gove has moved on to pastures new doesn’t mean that we aren’t still working hard to fuck every school into a tin hat.”

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