Tuesday 7 April 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Labour to boost election campaign by wheeling out suspected war criminal


Tony Blair to join Labour election campaign

Ed Miliband is to give his campaign a shot in the arm by wheeling out ever-popular former Prime Minister Tony Blair.

The master of spin and white teeth will today be attacking David Cameron’s stance on an EU referendum, only with words this time rather than a shitload of airstrikes.

Some have suggested that utilizing the controversial face of Gulf War 2 might not be the smartest move, especially bearing in mind that several citizens’ arrests have been attempted on the smarmy twat in the last year.

“It is a strange one” said floating voter Barry Simpkins.

“I liked it when they got Martin Freeman to do that ad for Labour because he was good in that midget documentary.”

“But all I really remember Blair for is ordering a load of collateral damage on lots of innocent Iraqis based on someone’s school essay.”

“I can’t help but wonder if Miliband has put a bet on the Tories to win sometimes.”

Blair to join election campaign

The move has drawn criticism from some who pointed out that Ed Miliband sought to distance himself from “New” Labour, but Miliband’s supporters countered by saying that making U-Turns within a week is the mark of true leadership.

“Brilliant idea” said Labour activist Norman Smith, “It shows that Ed is capable of the hypocrisy and crawling desperation required to be Prime Minister of Great Britain.”

“Although God knows how Ed is paying for it. Ten minutes of Blair costs almost as much as a Railway season ticket.”

“Ed must be sub-letting one of his kitchens, I reckon.”

Bookies are taking bets on just how far into his speech Blair will get before someone throws a shoe , attempts to arrest him or simply showers him with photographs of dead Iraqi children.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

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