Hobbits are all bastards, claims Daily Mail

The Daily Mail this morning launched a stinging attack on hobbits after Martin Freeman appeared in a Labour campaign advert.

“Hobbits are all communists, benefit cheats and paedophiles,” thundered the piece.

“They smoke ‘leaf,’ a hobbit slang word for marijuana skunk, and spend their days drinking and stealing vegetables from local hard-working farmers.”

“Hobbits are all hairy footed bastards, and it’s typical of a Labour leader to take pride in their support.”

Hobbits are a fictional race of creatures from Middle Earth. The most famous being Frodo Baggins who took a ring to Mordor and had to be rescued by giant eagles, leading many to question why the eagles couldn’t just have taken the ring to Mordor themselves.

Daily Mail reader and local slug-balancer Simon Williams was concerned by the piece.

“I think they’ve got a point,” he said.

“I mean, that’s a hobbit, there on the television, and he’s telling people to vote Labour.”

“I don’t think that’s right, especially if he’s a communist paedophile hobbit like the Mail says.”

Labour leader Ed Miliband was bemused.

“This is ridiculous. Hobbits are fictional. They don’t exist. They’re entirely made-up creatures. Labour operates in the real world and deals with real people” he said.

“That’s why we chose Tim from the Office for the advert.”