Tuesday 31 March 2015

E-cigarette manufacturers celebrate as non-smoking teens found to be addicted


E Cigarette use amongst teenagers

The holy grail of a highly addictive product that can be legally sold to teenagers has been reached, according to new studies on e-cigarette use today.

New research by John Moores university in Liverpool shows than an increasing number of teenagers are addicted to the ‘less-harmful’ nicotine vapour products.

The news has been welcomed by executives at manufacturers of ‘vaping’ products, many of whom could not talk to us as they were busy looking at yacht catalogues online.

However, spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Obviously today’s news is encouraging, and we expect our shareholders to see a significant bump in their portfolio values.”

“Electronic cigarettes are modern, sophisticated, and above all, much like real cigarettes they are impressively addictive.”

“You have to remember, it’s not that we wanted to sell cigarettes per se, we just wanted people addicted to whatever we sold so that they keep coming back and giving us their money.”

“If we could sell nicotine infused chocolate bars we’d be in production tomorrow, I assure you.”

e-cigarette use among teenagers

Non-smokers have been left bemused by the results, failing to understand the attraction.

Dave Smith told us, “Why anyone would want to put something in their mouths that looks like Doctor Who’s sonic screwdriver is beyond me.”

“It looks like they’re starring in a low-budget sci-fi porn parody.”

“Frankly I can’t wait until we turn ‘vapers’ into the social pariahs we’ve managed to make out of smokers.”

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