Monday 30 March 2015 by Juliet Brando

‘Directioners’ comforting distraught Top Gear fans


One Direction fans helping Top Gear fans

Members of a local One Direction fan club have set up a support group, help line and counselling service for people affected by Jeremy Clarkson’s sacking.

The group of young “Directioners” in Norfolk had first become concerned at the emotional response from their own fathers.

“Middle-age is a sensitive time for men,” said Kelsee, 13, from Ipswich.

“They’re very vulnerable and can become completely irrational over events like this.”

Since the BBC announced that Clarkson would not be returning to Top Gear, employment law experts have been bombarded with calls from people requesting compassionate leave.

“Unless someone is grieving over the loss of a close friend or relative, they must take any time off as holiday,” explained workplace solicitor Beano Pinnacular.

“We’ve also had to clarify many times this week that punching a colleague is very much frowned upon too.”

Directioners support Top Gear fans

Young volunteers for the Norfolk help line have been inundated with calls.

“Some of them are inconsolable,” sighed Jayde, 12, from Shottisham.

“It’s easy to dismiss them as spoilt man-babies having a tantrum over something sp trivial when there are much more important things going on, but when that millionaire friend of the Prime Minister hit a junior employee for bringing him the wrong kind of food, it really struck a chord with people.”

“Yes,” nodded Kelsee. “It’s a challenging time in these men’s emotional development, and I think they just need someone to talk to.”

Jayde pointed briefly at the One Direction poster on the wall of their call centre.

“We were upset when Zayn Malik left this week, but ultimately it’s only a pop band aimed at kids.”

“You’ve got to keep a sense of perspective. It’s not important like that grown-up’s show about shouting in cars.”

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