Thursday 26 March 2015

Prince Charles letters show he thought he was writing to his plants


Prince Charles letters

Letters Prince Charles sent to the government clearly show he believed he was actually writing to his plants, we can exclusively reveal.

The Prince, a staunch supporter of talking to vegetation, is said to write to his plants when he can not be there in person, insisting a servant read out his letters in full.

He is said to write dozens a day when he is away on royal duty, and the belief is that half a dozen or so may have been sent to politicians by mistake.

The letters will now be made public following a ruling by the supreme court that just because something makes you look stupid isn’t reason enough to keep it from the public.

A Whitehall insider told us, “Although in public we said our concerns were for the perception of the Prince as politically unbiased, in reality we’re concerned people will think he’s batshit crazy.”

Prince Charles spider letters

One letter to Margaret Beckett, then Environment minister, claims that the Prince is “thinking of you every day, growing tall in your soily home – grow strong, grow high, be green like the big green thing you are.”

“I dream of your roots, slender and long, and how they’re taking hold whilst I am away smiling at foreign people in some godforsaken shit hole.”

Our source continued, “We all know that letter wasn’t meant for Margaret – but does the public really need to know that?”

Another letter sent to then prime minister Tony Blair is said to contain the passage, “Don’t let those nasty mean green-fly get you down, you are a beautiful flower and they’re only jealous of your magnificence.”

A labour party insider told us, “Yes, Tony actually still thinks that letter actually was about him, and he uses it as an anecdote during pretty much every dinner party he’s invited to.”

“If you think Prince Charles has taken today’s ruling hard, wait until Tony finds out.”

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