Tuesday 24 March 2015 by Neil Tollfree

UK prepared to reject its values in an effort to combat those who reject its values


Theresa May prepared to sacrifice British values

The Home secretary today announced that she was fully prepared to reject what many people would consider ‘traditional British values’ in order to combat those who reject such values.

Values such as freedom of assembly, freedom of expression and religious freedom are to be abandoned in an effort to combat extremists who attack our freedoms of assembly, expression and religion.

“These values, these freedoms – they mean everything to Britain,” said Home Secretary Theresa May.

“And it should be a mark of how important it is to combat those who stand against us that we are prepared to abandon those values overnight in order to defend them.”

“There is nothing more important to us than traditional British values, and that is why we have to abandon them.”

“As every book ever written on the subject says, if you want to protect something, you abandon it first. Whether it’s a value, hope or a child – it’s equally valid for all for them.”

The new measures against extremism include;

  • Being really suspicious of ethnic minorities
  • Pro-British brain-washing in which extremists will be forced to watch cricket and drink pints of bitter.
  • ‘Banning Orders’ for anyone who moans about the weather

The measures have found favour with the party’s core support who for whatever reason believe that abandoning something is the best way to protect it.

“Yeah, definitely, it’s good,” said Tory voter Simon Williams.

“I think we’ve all got to make sacrifices to protect honest British values, and if that sacrifice involves sacrificing honest British values then it’s what we have to do.”

ISIS are said to really, really bothered.

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