Tuesday 24 March 2015 by Luke Geoghegan

Argentina urged to drop Falklands claim in return for Isle of Wight


Isle of Wight offered to Argentina

The British government is set to offer Argentina sovereignty over the Isle of Wight in return for finally recognising the Falklands as British territory.

The historic swapsie deal is designed to ease tensions surrounding the South Atlantic archipelago,  which escalated this week following rumours of Russia’s loan of several long-range bombers to the Argentine air force.

Our sources revealed that Whitehall officials have been locked in secret negotiations for weeks with the Argentine government, although exchanges have been typically frosty to date.

One source close to the talks told us, “They seem particularly desperate to claim responsibility for maintaining a remote, scruffy, cold island that no one particularly wants to visit.”

“Frankly, the UK has an embarrassment of riches in that regard, so we’re sure a deal can be reached.”

So far the offer of the Isle of Wight has been met with disinterest from Argentinian officials, though our source remained confident.

They said, “There’s a whole cottage industry of printed tea towels on offer if they take the Isle of Wight, so they’d be fools not to consider it.”

Falklands Isle of Wight swap

The exchange proposal comes at a time when the Falklands government is set to ‘considerably step up’ policing of the islands with the installation of an unprecedented third officer.

Greg the fishmonger, who also fulfils the role of Chief Commissioner of Police said, “The pub and post office won’t take care of themselves, and we now need someone else to make sure the rockhopper penguins remain unbothered.”

“Especially from the Russian long-range bombers.”

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