Monday 23 March 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Tory candidate mistook election campaign for pro wrestling contest


Afzal Amin fixed bout

The Conservative party was facing a whopping great pile of embarrassment this morning after one of its candidates was caught trying to engineer a storyline with the EDL.

Afzal Amin was under the mistaken impression that professional politics must work the same way as professional wrestling as both have the word ‘professional’ in the titles.

Mr Amin was secretly recorded planning an “angle” with EDL representatives where they would perform a march, and then he would step in to stop it, making him a hero in the eyes of the audience/electorate.

“It’s a shame it didn’t come off, really” said a source close to Amin.

“Nobody has ever seen a politician rip his shirt off and charge towards a baying mob of skinheaded thugs – not since Charles Kennedy stopped drinking, anyway.”

“It would have been quite a spectacle. Amin was planning to find the fattest EDL member he could- which is a challenge in itself- and then bodyslam him to the ground, just like Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania III.”

“But now nobody is going to see that, as working with an extreme-right organization for entertainment purposes is apparently ‘inappropriate’.”

“Honestly, this country.”

 ‘Electiotainment’

Amin claims he has done nothing wrong and that it’s perfectly reasonable for a mainstream politician to sit down with a pack of right-wing lunatics and offer to help them in future in return for a few days’ worth of positive publicity.

“I don’t see what the big deal is” said Alex Thornton, Afzal Amin’s secretary.

“John Prescott arranged that fight with a farmer way back in 2001, and everyone loved that.”

“Wait, what? That was real? Seriously? Good Lord.”

10 year-old, Simon Harvey, said “All professional politics is fake anyway. My older brother told me. You can tell because they all trained together at the same school.”

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