Monday 23 March 2015 by DavyWavy

Castlemaine XXXX to be relaunched as a Heritage Ale for hipsters


Castlemaine XXXX for hipsters

Popular 80’s lager Castlemaine XXXX is to be relaunched as a ‘Heritage Ale’ aimed at clueless hipsters, it is reported today.

Castlemaine, which has not been available in the UK since 2009, is to be brought back with a ‘traditional’ themed design and associated advertising, and will be sold in hopelessly overpriced bars made up to look like old-world boozers that target people with lots of money, beards and no discrimination.

Marketers have described Castlemaine as ‘the ideal brand’ for the Hipster market, as being something that was popular a couple of decades ago but hasn’t been available for three or four years.

“That’s just long enough for it to develop a retro cool”, we were told.

“We were going to reintroduce penny chews and curly wurlys but we were beaten to it, so this will have to do.”

Castlemaine XXXX

Thom Chadwick, 27, a graphic design intern from Shoreditch in London, said, “My dad used to drink Castlemaine when he was my age, and he had a job which didn’t involve designing funky user interfaces for smartphone apps so it must be the real deal.”

“That’s the most important thing about the hipster movement – authenticity,” he added.

“Now would you excuse me? I’ve got to go and buy some moustache wax and a new pipe.”

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