Friday 20 March 2015 by Lucas Wilde

UKIP MEP aims to change perceptions by fiddling expenses instead of being racist


UKIP MEP fiddles expenses

UKIP plans to change perceptions today by revealing that one of their candidates is under investigation for financial impropriety and attempting to defraud the EU, rather than saying something hideously bigoted.

Janice Atkinson, MEP for the South East, was due to fight the Folkestone and Hythe seat on May the 7th; but her career is in jeopardy after footage leaked of her asking a hotel staff member to make her invoice amount a lot larger than the actual bill.

Atkinson is heard to say, “The idea is we overcharge them slightly, because that’s the way we repatriate it.”

UKIP supporter, David Hayes, said “It’s an absolute disgrace.”

“This goes against everything UKIP stands for. Fiddling expenses is the reserve of the old and crumbling parties of the past like Labour and the Conservatives.”

“If you’re a UKIP candidate, you’re supposed to get done in the papers for racism, sexism, or maybe some casual homophobia.”

“That’s the party I voted for. Not this expense-fiddling nonsense.”

UKIP MEP fiddles expenses

UKIP spokesperson, Daniel Smith, said “We’ve spoken privately with Janice regarding this matter.”

“She has assured us that in future she will disgrace herself only by describing to Africa as ‘bongo-bongo land’, referring to women as ‘sluts’, blaming the weather on homosexuals or suggesting that living next door to a pack of filthy Romanians would be the worst thing ever.”

“I miss Godfrey Bloom, to be honest. He had this shit nailed down.”

UKIP is still expected to do relatively well in the constituency of Folkestone and Hythe, because lots of people are weird.

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