Wednesday 18 March 2015 by Formelia Alberthine

Osborne’s ‘buy 300 get one free’ budget offer delights heavy drinkers


Osborne Budget

George Osborne has claimed his ‘buy 300 pints get one free’ offer announced the budget will please heavy drinkers to such an extent that the Conservatives will be returned to government.

The chancellor believes the scheme, announced in conjunction with a ‘buy 400, get one free’ deal on a packet of 20 cigarettes, will be sufficient to woo those voters not drunk enough to vote for UKIP.

Borderline alcoholic, Sheila Mount, considered the offer about as attractive as maintaining a full-time job on the minimum wage.

“I like a pint like the best of them, but having to down 300 of them before being able to receive the 301st is a bit much,” she told us.

“Given the amount of duty already added to alcohol during George Osborne’s term in office, it feels a bit like a burglar coming round to fix a window having earlier emptied your home.”

Budget alcohol

A government spokesman lauded the chancellor’s budget as one which demonstrated the Tories ongoing commitment to improving the nation’s standard of living.

They told us, “We are keen to address the concerns of ordinary people, which our research tells us mainly how can they get smashed at the weekend.”

“We hope this ‘buy 300 get one free’ deal will go some way to addressing this.”

However drinker Simon Williams told us, “What a load of rubbish. I live in London, so it’s actually more like ‘buy 500 get one free’. Lying bleedin’ politicians.”

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