Tuesday 17 March 2015 by James Ferguson

One-legged seagull with diseased eye named UK’s national bird


Diseased seagull national bird

The one-legged seagull with a diseased eye has been unveiled as the United Kingdom’s official national bird after a nationwide poll.

Spokesman for the Royal Society for Ornithology Simon Williams said, “We feel this bird really represents the strong national feeling of grey skies and cold chips at a rundown seaside attraction.”

Other birds, such as the owl, red kite and hawk, had been considered for the prestigious title but a survey of those who voted had found that the words ‘pride’, ‘power’ and ‘distinction’ that are so often associated with these birds did not resonate with what it means to be British in the 21st century.

Mr Williams continued, “Unfortunately, we don’t have any fun birds, like emus or flamingos but those guys are a bit extravagant for our tastes anyway.”

“And yes they have Eagles in Scotland but, come on, that’s a bit cliche, don’t you think?”

“I think people voted for the one-legged seagull with a diseased eye because this best sums us up: we’re scrappy, we’re down on our luck but we don’t give up.”

“We may only have one leg and a diseased eye but we’ll still fight with the other birds for the scraps out of the bin.”

“Who among us hasn’t walked through a deserted town centre on a freezing cold and wet Sunday afternoon and not felt British through and through at the sight of the one-legged seagull with a diseased eye fighting it out with all the other seagulls for the crumbs of pastry outside of Greggs?”

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