Wednesday 11 March 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Robin Thicke ordered to pay damages to anyone who heard ‘Blurred Lines’


Robin Thicke

A Judge has ordered Robin Thicke to pay out damages of $7.3m (£4.8m) to anyone who listened to ‘Blurred Lines’.

Jurors in the historic case have decided that the song was so monumentally shit that it could be responsible for distress or harm to anyone who heard it.

Thicke’s rape-pop hit was the biggest song of 2013, so there are expected to be a great many claimants.

“I think this is a great decision,” said music fan Keith Coleman.

“When I saw Thicke perform it, it had Miley Cyrus rubbing her parts with a giant foam finger. The whole thing made me so incensed, I threw the TV out the window.”

But others claimed to actually enjoy the record.

“Yeah, it really speaks to me,” said sleazy lothario Simon Williams.

“That line, ‘You know you want it,’ I mean, I’ve used that loads. Sometimes I’ve even shouted it at women as they’re running away.”

The precedent of a song being legally shit enough to cause restitution to its listeners has caused panic in the music industry, with the Kaiser Chiefs, Tom O’Dell, and Will.i.am being particularly concerned.

Although, Will.i.am’s secondary career as Chelsea midfielder should mitigate any financial losses.

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